While you wait
This blog is here for you if you're looking for strength and courage ahead of the big day. Wonderful mums share their different birth stories, each unique in its own way, along with insights to pass on to parents-to-be.
A huge thank you to our mums who shared their stories <3
Johanna's story
This is a beautiful birth story from Johanna (Instagram: johannagrantcom), who planned a home birth. Humble about the fact that you can't plan a birth one hundred per cent, Johanna had a goal and a vision of bringing her child into the world in a calm and safe way at home.
Johanna and her partner prepared carefully by creating a safe and comfortable environment, and were in contact with a doula who supported them throughout the whole process. It wasn't an easy journey, but with support from one another and from the professionals present, they were able to handle everything that came their way.
"It's 6.30 in the morning and I'm up having a wee, everything is as usual. No sign of anything. At 6.50 Lily wakes and needs the toilet, so I go with her. I stand up and there's the classic 'pop', and I just have time to think 'I wonder if my waters are breaking now'. I walk 5–6 meters out into the hallway by the stairs and yes, there comes a big gush of water. V is upstairs asleep; I say in quite a low voice from downstairs 'I think my waters have broken' and he wakes in a millisecond (never happens otherwise). According to him it sounded as though I was standing right by his ear speaking normally, so he was probably very ready and prepared.
I ring my mum, who's coming to collect Lily, and then I ring my doula, who's going to come and assist. The water keeps trickling and coming every time I stand up, but no contractions start. Two to three hours later the doula arrives and we start straight away with exercises from 'Active Baby' to get the baby into an optimal position and so get the contractions going (we think he was probably lying slightly crooked with his head, hence no contractions starting). It's probably nearer 10.30/11 now, I'd guess. We do the three basic exercises in rotation and then start with acupressure. Towards lunchtime (12–1) the first little twinges begin. We alternate exercises as instructed and I also roll around a bit sitting on a Pilates ball for nearly an hour, while the contractions build more and more. Around 3 o'clock I know the intensity is really picking up, and at this point I'm timing everything and it's getting close to going down into the birth pool.
I get into the pool at about 4.15–4.30. Then the labor continues there. Dreadful contractions but lovely pauses in between. I can feel it moving along, and this time I feel him beginning to descend (I never did with Lily) and that pain was the worst; that was when it was hard to stay positive. Then it's time for the head to come out and it flows along well; I need a little help from outside once the head is out, before the rest of the body comes, and at 6.20 he's all the way out and the feeling is: confusion, unreal and exhausted.
After a while we move to our own bed (that feeling was unbeatable) and wait for the placenta to come, which happens within an hour. He's alert and awake. He breastfeeds and after perhaps two hours we start getting ready to go in to the maternity unit for a check. I shower, put on my own clothes, and four hours after his birth we arrive at the unit. I'm examined, the umbilical cord is cut, he's weighed and measured and we book an appointment for a doctor's check.
A wonderful, calm, undramatic and loving birth in our own home. In our own living room. With the company we ourselves had chosen. With calm hours afterwards for the best possible chance to bond, and so on. It was a dream."
Johanna's tips ahead of a birth:
- Have a vision of how you'd like your birth to be, but once it actually happens, take things as they come.
- Focus on keeping your breathing and calm in every situation.
- Tell your partner or support person what you expect of them. Being on the same page and getting the support you want is so empowering.
Emelie's story
This is Emelie's story, about a birth that was nothing like she had imagined, which ended in an emergency caesarean and a realization about being able to accept the situation as it is.
"It really is true that life can't always be planned, especially when it comes to births and the new life that follows. It's easy to feel both happy and full of anticipation while at the same time stressed and anxious about everything that's about to happen, but it's important to remember that it's okay to take it as it comes and that it's completely normal and allowed to feel all sorts of ways.
When I was about to have my first child, I did everything I could to prepare as much as possible. I packed my hospital bag early with everything I thought I'd need, cooked meals to keep in the freezer and tried to plan as much as I could. But a few weeks before the due date, things didn't go quite as planned. I had my baby prematurely, under difficult circumstances, and ended up in the neonatal unit, which was a completely different experience from what I had expected.
It was a tough time, but I quickly learned that it was more important to have a sense of acceptance and to take things as they came than to try to control everything. Having support from my partner and my loved ones was invaluable, and it was also important to ask for help when it was needed. Having meals in the freezer and a plan for how to look after yourself and your family afterwards is good, but it's also important to stay flexible and be open to change.
The most important thing for me was to feel that I had acceptance of the situation and that it was okay to take it as it came. That gave me a sense of calm and security in the midst of all the chaos.
So even though it's good to prepare for the birth and the time afterwards, it's important to remember that it doesn't always go as planned and that it's okay to ask for help when you need it. It's also important to have a sense of acceptance and to take things as they come, to ease the stress and worry that can arise during this time.
Today there are just a few days left until our third child is due. And being open to it turning out however it turns out is, for me, an experience I feel I've grown stronger from today."
Marielle's story
This is Marielle's story, about a planned caesarean due to a breech presentation and her thoughts around it.
"It was a feeling I'd never experienced before, a mix of nervousness and anticipation that couldn't be compared to anything else. Our birth was planned as a caesarean, so we were prepared for the procedure itself. Even so, it was a strange feeling, a mix of excitement and calm, when we set off to the maternity unit that morning for the preparations.
The night before had been restless, knowing it was our last night "on our own in the house". The morning was calm and tingly, and I showered and washed myself with an antibacterial soap as recommended by the doctor. The feeling in the car on the way to the unit was special. I was ready to meet my child, but at the same time I wished I could be unaware of exactly when it would happen. I wanted to take it as it came, without knowing the time.
We had visited the unit before, but I'd been so set on a vaginal birth that I hadn't really taken in the information about caesareans. I was grateful that it was a planned operation, given the risks of delivering a baby in the breech position. At the same time, I felt a little cheated out of the chance to experience a vaginal birth and find out what early contractions feel like.
My partner was with me during the birth and was a wonderful source of security to have by my side, even though he doesn't really like hospital environments. He wore the green scrubs that were required and joked about looking like a doctor. He was present and an incredible support throughout the whole procedure. It meant so much to me to have him there.
In the preparation room there was a lovely atmosphere. The staff were wonderful and full of enthusiasm ahead of the coming birth. I got to shower and prepare again, well informed and guided by the wonderful staff. They told us what we could expect and explained why lines and catheters needed to be put in. They also showed us which room the baby would be taken to if any help was needed after the birth. After a slightly long wait, it was finally time for us to go to the operating theatre.
In the theatre we were met by a team that exceeded my expectations. There were more of them than I'd thought, and they all gave me a positive sense that they were genuinely looking forward to welcoming my child into the world. The anaesthetist sat beside me and monitored everything closely, and I felt safe with them there.
The incision took a little longer than planned, and there was a sense of urgency and a slightly tense atmosphere in the room. But my focus was on catching a glimpse of my child and feeling her against my cheek. I only had a brief moment with her before the staff acted quickly and took her to another room to help her breathe. My partner went with them to be by her side.
While I lay on the operating table being stitched up, the anaesthetist spoke to me reassuringly. They explained that getting a breech baby out can be a little complicated and that extra help is sometimes needed to ensure oxygenation. I don't remember much from that moment, but I do remember feeling that I ought to react more to the situation, becoming aware that I must have been quite groggy.
The wait to be reunited with my partner and my child felt endlessly long. Every second felt like an eternity. But at last a member of staff came into the room and reassured me with the happy news that all was well. The relief and joy that filled my heart in that moment are hard to put into words.
All in all, it was an enormously positive and successful experience. The staff's commitment, support and professional care made all the difference. Even though I perhaps couldn't feel and react the way I'd expected, I was grateful that everything went well and that I got to be part of a wonderful team who made my child's arrival into the world a truly memorable event.
Looking back, it doesn't feel as though the operation was the worst part, which is what I'd probably expected since it was a bit of a goal of mine just to get it over with. It was rather the time after the operation that was hard, that it was difficult to move and look after your baby; I'd have liked to have been more prepared for that.
Every birth story is unique. Would you like to share your experiences with other parents-to-be? Don't hesitate to get in touch; together we can create a place where every story has room and where we can learn from one another.
