While you wait
This page is here for you who are looking for strength and courage ahead of the big day. Here, wonderful mums share their birth stories – each one unique in its own way – along with insights to carry with you as a parent-to-be. No two births are alike, and there is no right way. Read what gives you something, and leave the rest.
A heartfelt thank you to our mums for sharing <3
Johanna’s story
This is a beautiful birth story from Johanna (Instagram: johannagrantcom), who planned a home birth. Humble to the fact that a birth can never be planned one hundred per cent, Johanna still had a vision of bringing her baby into the world calmly and safely at home. She and her partner prepared carefully, created a safe and comfortable space and stayed in touch with a doula who supported them throughout. It wasn’t an easy journey, but with support from each other and the professionals present, they could handle everything that came their way.
“It’s 06.30 and I’m up having a wee, everything is as usual. No sign of anything. At 06.50 Lily wakes and needs the loo so I go with her. I stand up and there’s that classic ‘pop’, and I just have time to think ‘I wonder if my waters are going now’. I walk 5–6 metres out into the hall by the stairs and yes, out comes a big gush of water. V is asleep upstairs; I say in a fairly low voice from downstairs ‘I think my waters have gone’ and he wakes in a millisecond (never happens otherwise). According to him it sounded as if I was standing right by his ear talking normally, so he was probably very ready and prepared.
I ring my mum, who’s coming to collect Lily, and then my doula, who’s going to assist. The water keeps trickling every time I stand up, but no contractions start. 2–3 hours later the doula arrives and we begin straight away with exercises from ‘Active Baby’ to get the baby into an optimal position and thereby get contractions going (we think he was lying slightly askew with his head, which is why the contractions were slow to come). It’s probably closer to 10.30/11 now. We alternate the three basic exercises and then move on to acupressure. Towards lunchtime (12–13) the first little twinges come. We alternate exercises as instructed and I roll around sitting on a Pilates ball for nearly an hour as the contractions build more and more. By around 3pm I know the intensity is really rising, and now I’m timing everything – it’s getting close to moving into the birth pool.
I get into the pool at about 16.15–16.30. Then the work continues there. Dreadful contractions but lovely pauses in between. I feel it progressing, and this time I feel him beginning to descend (I never did with Lily) – that pain was the worst, and it was hard to stay positive. Then it’s time for the head to come out and it flows nicely; I need a little help from outside once the head is out before the rest of the body follows, and at 18.20 he’s all the way out. The feeling is: confusion, unreal and exhausted.
After a while we move to our own bed (that feeling was unbeatable) and wait for the placenta, which comes within the hour. He’s alert and awake, feeds, and after maybe two hours we start getting ready to go in to the hospital for a check. I shower, put on my own clothes, and four hours after his birth we’re at the maternity unit. I’m examined, the umbilical cord is cut, he’s weighed and measured, and we book a time for the doctor’s check. A wonderful, calm, undramatic and loving birth in our own home. In our own living room. With the company we chose ourselves. With calm hours afterwards for the best chance to bond. It was a dream.”
Johanna’s tips for a birth:
- Have a vision of how you’d like your birth to be – but when it actually happens, take things as they come.
- Focus on keeping your breathing and calm in every situation.
- Tell your partner or support person what you expect. Being on the same page and getting the support you want is so empowering.
Emelie’s story
Before you read: this was one of the hardest things I’ve been through – three times over. I’ve deliberately chosen not to recount every detail and event, partly because it’s a lot, and partly because I don’t want to frighten you if you’re about to give birth. But don’t read the calm tone as meaning it was a small thing – it was dramatic, it was serious, and it left deep marks. I share it anyway for one single reason: to show that you can get through something this heavy and still come out strong.
This is my story. About three births, none of which turned out the way I’d imagined – and about learning to accept the situation as it is.
“When I was about to have my first baby I did everything I could to prepare. I packed my hospital bag early, cooked meals for the freezer and tried to plan down to the smallest detail. But it didn’t go to plan. I developed pre-eclampsia and my baby had to be delivered several weeks early. The birth dragged on and ended, in the end, as an emergency – in a way that was both dramatic and frightening. I won’t go into every detail and turn here – but believe me when I say it was far from ‘nothing’. It was among the toughest things I’ve been through, and I carry it with me still. My little one was born early and small, was tube-fed at first and cared for in the neonatal unit. It was a completely different start from the one I’d pictured – and the recovery afterwards took a long time, both in body and in mind. Some things left marks that stayed.
I’ll be honest: the time afterwards was heavy, for quite a while. I felt low for longer than I thought you were allowed to. But it got better. With support from my partner and my loved ones, and by daring to ask for help when I needed it, I got through it – and today I stand on the other side, strong.
What I took with me from there wasn’t a perfect plan, but an insight: the most important thing was to accept the situation and take things as they came. Having food in the freezer and a plan is good – but flexibility and being open to change matters just as much. That sense of acceptance gave me calm and security in the middle of the chaos.
My next two children came by planned caesarean. After the first birth I carried a fear of giving birth, and it was several years before I dared and was able to again – a time when I wasn’t sure there would even be more children. Those pregnancies had their challenges too, and the babies came a little earlier than expected. But each time we got through it, one step at a time.
With a few years’ perspective, I know I’d go through it all again for the everyday life I have today, with my wonderful children. At the same time, I know that far from everyone gets that outcome – that there are those who have carried something even heavier and no longer have their child with them. I don’t forget you. If my story can give someone a glimmer of hope in the midst of something hard, that’s why I share it.
Today we’re a family of five. If I could say one single thing to you who are waiting, it’s this: it rarely goes exactly as planned, and that’s okay. Asking for help isn’t failing. And even a tough start can become something you carry with you as strength.”
If you feel worried ahead of your birth, or low afterwards – talk to your midwife, your child health centre or 1177. You’re not alone, and help is there.
Marielle’s story
This is Marielle’s story, about a planned caesarean due to a breech presentation, and her thoughts around it.
“It was a feeling I’d never experienced before, a mix of nerves and anticipation unlike anything else. Our birth was planned as a caesarean, so we were prepared for the procedure itself. Even so, it was a strange feeling, a mix of excitement and calm, as we set off to the hospital that morning for the preparations.
The night before had been restless, knowing it was our last night ‘on our own in the house’. The morning was calm and fluttery; I showered and washed with an antibacterial soap as the doctor had recommended. The feeling in the car on the way there was special. I was ready to meet my baby, but at the same time wished I could be unaware of exactly when it would happen. I wanted to take it as it came, without knowing the time.
We’d visited the maternity unit before, but I’d been so set on a vaginal birth that I hadn’t really taken in the information about caesareans. I was grateful it was a planned operation, given the risks of delivering a breech baby. At the same time I felt a little cheated of experiencing a vaginal birth and knowing what early labour feels like.
My partner was with me and was a wonderful source of security, even though he doesn’t really like hospital settings. He wore the green scrubs required and joked about looking like a doctor. He was present and an incredible support throughout. It meant an enormous amount to have him there.
In the prep room there was a lovely atmosphere. The staff were fantastic and full of enthusiasm ahead of the birth. I got ready again, well-informed and guided the whole way. They told us what to expect and explained why lines and catheters needed to be put in. They even showed us which room the baby would be taken to if it needed help after birth. After a somewhat long wait, it was finally time to go to the operating theatre.
In the theatre we were met by staff who exceeded my expectations. There were more of them than I’d thought, and they all gave me a positive feeling that they were genuinely looking forward to welcoming my baby. The anaesthetist sat beside me and monitored everything carefully, and I felt safe with them there.
The incision took a little longer than planned, and a sense of urgency and a slightly strained atmosphere arose in the room. But my focus was on catching a glimpse of my baby and feeling her against my cheek. I only had a short moment with her before the staff quickly took her to another room to help her breathe. My partner went with them to be at her side.
While I lay there being stitched up, the anaesthetist spoke soothingly to me. They explained that it can be a little more complicated to deliver a breech baby and that extra help is sometimes needed to make sure of the oxygen supply. I don’t remember much from that moment, but I remember feeling that I ought to react more than I did – I must have been quite groggy.
Waiting to be reunited with my partner and my baby felt endless. Every second felt like an eternity. But at last someone from the staff came in and reassured me with the happy words that all had gone well. The relief and joy that filled my heart then is hard to put into words.
All in all it was an incredibly positive and successful experience. The staff’s commitment, support and professionalism made all the difference. Even though I perhaps couldn’t feel and react the way I’d expected, I was grateful that all went well and that I got to be part of a fantastic team who made my baby’s arrival into the world a truly memorable moment.
Looking back, it doesn’t feel as though the operation was the worst part, which is what I’d expected since it was the thing I’d set as a goal to get over and done with. It was rather the time after the operation that was hard – that it was difficult to move and to care for my baby. I’d have liked to have been more prepared for that.”
Every birth story is unique. Would you like to share your experiences with other parents-to-be? Don’t hesitate to get in touch – together we can create a space where every story has its place and where we can learn from one another.
